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Module Three – Creating Happy Fulfilling Relationships

What is keeping us stuck in bad relationship patterns?

There are many limiting beliefs that keep us stuck from attracting and forming healthy and happy relationships.

There are often certain things that we keep telling ourselves that maintain these patterns.

What stories do you keep telling yourself about relationships?

Does it feel like these are over and over and are perhaps connected to patterns of thought or behaviour?

How would it feel to let these go?

Here are some common examples:

All the good ones are already taken/married
I’m too old (for dating)
I’m not attractive enough
I’m not thin enough
I always meet the wrong people
I don’t have time
I have kids
I can’t get out
No-one wants me
No-one will find me attractive
I’m damaged goods
I have no time
There’s no point bothering, I won’t meet anyone anyway.

Do you find any of these statements familiar?

Have a think about which one(s) feels the most truthful to you, or one that you are most likely to say to yourself over and over, or that keeps you stuck in the same pattern.

There may be one or there may be several. Remember, these are simply stories we have said to ourselves to create these patterns. The more times you say it or reinforce it in any way, either consciously or subconsciously, the more it becomes an ingrained pattern and those neural pathways will keep firing and rewiring in the same way. However, remember you can interrupt that pattern. You can start telling yourself a NEW story. This then becomes your new truth.

How about:

I am good enough, I am worthy of a relationship, someone would be incredibly lucky to date me, I have lots of attractive qualities and features, I’m such a catch, I am worthy of love, I am worthy of respect, I am happy in my own skin and want to attract my equal.

We can either keep telling ourselves the same old unhelpful stories, or we can create the new ones. You are in charge of the decision.

This is not just saying it but believing it. Why wouldn’t you want to feel any other way? This is where tapping comes in. Write as many of these new truths that you would like to experience in your note pad.

Pick a limiting belief from the above list (or something else) that you feel applies to you. Give it a SUDs on the scale of 0-10 with 10 being completely true.

Work through it with this tapping routine until you bring it right down. If anything comes up as you are tapping, an emotion, memories from a past relationship, or perhaps from your childhood, be sure to make a note of it in your note pad. You can then go and tap on this memory, event or emotion as this has come up for a reason and is connected.

You can follow this routine of tapping. When you have brought the SUDs right down, you can go to the list of your new truths, what you want to say to yourself as you are looking for a relationship, and do some tapping on this as well.

(KC 3 times) Even though [Limiting belief], I chose to love and accept myself anyway
Even though [Limiting belief] and it feels like pattern, it feels so true, I say it to myself a lot, I decide to accept this situation now
Even though [Limiting belief] and I am unsure what to do, I completely love and accept myself, and this situation right now

(and then take what you are thinking and as you tap on the points, say it)

For example:

(EB) I am feeling so sick of this right now
(SE) Will I ever meet anyone?
(BE) This has been going on for years
(UN) The same old patterns over and over
(CP) I’m completely fed up of it
(CB) I don’t feel worthy of a relationship
(UA) I’ve been searching for so long
(TH) I feel like my time as passed

Then do a round of positive statements.

(EB) What if I could just let go?
(SE) Let go of these old beliefs
(BE) It’s just a story I keep telling myself
(UN) I’ve said it over and over and believe it to be the truth
(CP) What if I am good enough, I’m more than good enough?
(CB) Maybe there’s loads of people out there, 6 billion other people on the planet
(UA) I can do this, I can just let this old stuff go
(TH) I am worthy and fully accepting of a happy, loving and special relationship

Take a deep breath.

Then check in again and see how you feel and where you are up to.

Tap these rounds over and over as long as you need, until you have brought the intensity right down. It has no emotional attachment or charge.

Remember, if anything else comes up, whether other feelings, events, or experiences, then it is likely you will want to tap on that as well.

Click on this 7 minute video and tap along with me

We also hold onto a lot of baggage from previous relationships.

It is therefore definitely worth having a look at what you could be holding on to from previous relationships.

Write a list in your notepad of patterns, events, what your ex said to you in the heat of the moment, how you feel about your previous relationships, upsetting events, or what the patterns were.

It is likely you will be holding onto these energetically at a subconscious level. This is especially true if you are noticing the same patterns that you keep repeating. Whether it’s the same types of relationships or people you are attracting. Or whether it’s the same things you are saying to yourself.

These are all key and crucial areas you can be tapping on, each circumstance, emotion, event or pattern. You can easily make a list of each area and tap through them separately until you bring it right down. Also remember to notice what else comes up as you tap. Again, you can either make a note of that, or tap on it as well as you go.

Also, think about what you learnt from your parents or caregivers about relationships.

Remember, most of our core beliefs were formed before the age of seven. What we heard, listened to, took in, felt, or were led to believe to be true, can then form our belief system around our own relationships. Perhaps we witnessed a controlling father, or tension and discord in the home. Or the separation of your parents, and how this affected you emotionally.

How would this behaviour have then shaped your future or current beliefs about relationships? Things like: men are unavailable, or this was my fault. Maybe there were separation issues? What were you told as a child? What ideology did you pick up from the media and those around you?

You can also work though and tap on these areas. Again, write a list of every area from your childhood that would have had an impact about your beliefs and choices in relationships and tap on each area to bring the intensity right down, until there is no emotional attachment or charge left keeping you stuck with past events and beliefs centered around these.

Once you clear out all these old stories, events, attachments and experiences that are keeping you stuck, you will naturally attract the right relationship for you. Once you’ve done this, you also may wish to get specific with what you are looking for in a relationship and what you want to attract. Make a list of all the attributes and qualities you deserve. Once you get more specific with what you want, you are more likely to attract that. You can then do some tapping on this. You can even go one step further and do the work you need to for you in order to attract this match or soulmate to you! That way your vibration will align and this is how you will attract the person that is right for you.

Exciting times! Remember to have fun with this and enjoy it. This is your journey to the new you.